2017 has come to a close and now is the time to sift through the films left in it’s wake. With the Academy Awards less than a month away the time has come to discuss what films will leave an impression behind and be heralded as classics in the years to come. Unfortunately, now is not the time for that. We’re here to look at the films that will either be (hopefully) forgotten or stay stuck in pop culture as floundering missteps by their respective studios. Yep, today we look back at the ten films that I watched and regret wasting my time on. I’m sure there were worse films made this year, but I tend to ignore films I have no interest in watching. You won’t be seeing Fifty Shades Darker or The Emoji Movie on this list. So, without further ado let’s begin discussing my questionable film choices of the year.
10. Transformers: The Last Knight
Michael Bay’s Transformers series turned 10 years old in 2017. That’s one film every 2 years. In that time span the series has gone from a mildly fun adventure to bloated ‘splosion fests that are in dire need of an editor. At this point we all know what to expect from these films, but I am holding out hope that the Bumblebee spin-off will breathe new life into the series
I really wanted to enjoy this film. I think given the right material Amy Schumer is a talented and funny comic. Pairing her with Goldie Hawn was a brilliant idea. If only the writer had given two shits about the story. This is as bad and disappointing as Hot Pursuit.
What was suppose to be a sequel to the original film got edited down into a bland and by the numbers remake. I can not believe so many talented actors (Ellen Page, Diego Luna Kiersey Clemons) got wasted. Niels Arden Oplev got lucky with The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo. I’m thinking if I re-watch that film I’ll see the only reason it’s good is because of the story and leading actors. I really have no interest in seeing his career progress.
7. The Dark Tower
I’ve never read any of the Stephen King series this film is based off, so I’m sure I was let down less so than many people. Idris Elba tries to make the best of what he’s given and we’re left with a jumbled film that trips over itself and runs way too short for the story they need to tell in spite of feeling longer than it actually was. Funny, my worst film of 2016 was Cell. It’s almost as though some Stephen King stories are best left on the page.
6. Amityville: The Awakening
It has been an abysmal year for horror franchises. This and the Texas Chainsaw prequel Leatherface were terrible. I’m not going to pretend that the Amityville series is any sort of Holy Grail of cinema, but Blumhouse has had a decent track record in recent years. This felt like a cynical attempt to ‘modernize’ the franchise while retaining the rights to the series. Honestly, I think humanity will survive if this is the last Amityville film. I doubt that will be the case. But I remain optimistic that this year’s new entry in the Halloween series will be good… hopefully.
5. The Bye Bye Man
So what happens when you want to make a Slenderman film, but can’t obtain the rights to the character? You copy and paste some of his attributes onto a generic script and hope releasing the film in January will get you a decent return on investment. There is nothing enjoyable about this film. It doesn’t even work as an unintentional comedy. This ranks beside The Devil Inside as one of the worst January horror films to date.
We’re at that point where studios are so desperate for brand recognition we got a film based off CHiPs. A cop show made during the late 70’s and early 80’s that has aged horribly. But hey, if you can’t do a proper adaptation of the material make it a spoof. That worked for Starsky and Hutch, right? I really wish Dax Shepard the best of luck going forward, but this project was a mistake on his part as a director, writer, and actor. At least Michael Pena has some fun moments, so there’s that.
3. The House
I genuinely believe that this film was originally conceived to be a dark comedy. A couple from the suburbs teaming with their degenerate gambling addict of a friend to open a casino and go down a dark path in order make a better life for their daughter. Eh, that doesn’t work for our actors, so let’s re-tool it to suit their comedic sensibilities. What we got was a tonal mess where almost everyone involved appears to be phoning in their performance.
2. American Anarchist
If I wanted to watch an old man be berated for his past mistakes I’d go to a family reunion. All joking aside, Charlie Siskel could’ve made a wonderful documentary about William Powell’s life, but instead went for the low hanging fruit of attacking him for all the evil deeds attributed to The Anarchist Cookbook. I hated this documentary for being manipulative and downright offensive to the interviewee.
1.Resident Evil: The Final Chapter
Paul W.S. Anderson’s reign over the Resident Evil films has come to an end, thank you Lord! This series has been a disappointment from the get go. Sure, the first film is mildly enjoyable as an early 2000’s dumb action romp, but these films are so far divorced from their source material it’s infuriating. Afterlife and Retribution tread water in the plot while Anderson and his wife Milla Jovovich cashed paychecks, but this one tried to tie it all together and provide a satisfactory ending. Yeah, that didn’t happen. Reboot this franchise and stick closer to the video game’s tone and story please.
So there you have, another ten films I’ve watched and am now hoping to scrub from my subconscious. In the coming weeks I will also post my honorable mentions and Ten Best Films of the Year lists, so keep an eye out. I’ve also been asked by a friend and fellow film lover to do a guest spot on his podcast wrapping up 2017. I’ll provide a link in an upcoming article. These are my thoughts, but as usual what are yours? Did you see any of the films I’ve listed? What was the worst film you saw this year? If you’re interested links to my previous worst of the year films lists can be found below. Remember you can follow me on Twitter and Instagram @sdfilmthoughts. As always, thanks for reading.